Scotch Thoughts and Window Reflections Season 2
by npieen
Summary: The continuation of my series of stories recording the thoughts of Lee and Amanda after each episode. The author's note explains my choice for episode order. I will publish the stories for one episode each week. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

I cannot believe that it has been a year since I began to publish the Scotch Thoughts and Window Reflections stories for season 1. I never wanted it to be so long between seasons. Real life can be so real sometimes, and it can eat up moments and creativity.

But at long last I can share the stories for season 2!

I want to thank my wonderful Beta. I keep threatening to call her my co-author. So many times she did more than fix my grammar. She has a very logical mind and she could always help me focus more clearly on what I wanted Lee and Amanda's thoughts to communicate. She has learned to understand my ways of thinking very well. Even though she has become busier with her own educational pursuits she continued to make time to work on the stories with me. I couldn't ask for a better Beta. Thank you Super Beta!

I have changed the episode order for season 2 as well. There were oddities about it when the show aired, things like Amanda's vacillating hair length and the grouping of the European episodes. So I played around with the order until it created a story that made sense to me. JWWM has a post about the season 2 episode order here /category/general-smk/episode-order/ if you want to read about how we came up with that order there are links to other posts. Of course any post that you come upon on JWWM is fun to read too ;)

So, once again, with apologies for such a long wait, thanksgiving for the best Beta, and lots of happiness that season 2 is finally finished (and I can start on season 3), please enjoy **Scotch Thoughts and Window Reflections!**


	2. Chapter 2

**1**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**To Catch a Mongoose**

Today had actually been a relaxing day. He had enjoyed sharing a real British tea with Amanda that afternoon and now Lee was sitting in his hotel kicking back with a glass of scotch. He could afford to relax now because the Mongoose was in the hands of Scotland Yard, and Amanda truly was safe and on a plane back to DC and her children. A few days ago however he had felt anything but relaxed.

He had been sent to London to work with the British Intelligence community to finally catch the Mongoose. It was a formidable task, but one he was eager to perform on his own without Amanda - alone representing the Agency and the USA and working once again with MI6. It had seemed like an amazing break for the case to hear that Billy had located someone who could personally identify the elusive Mongoose. He had wondered why Billy had failed to mention who that individual was when they had spoken on the phone, and he had been taken completely off guard when he had seen Amanda walking through the gate at the airport. Even thinking about it here and now on the couch he could feel the tension creep back in. It would not only be a formidable case, but it would be full of every kind of complication that could come with the inclusion of Amanda King. It was what he had been glad to avoid as he had set out on this overseas case in England.

Of course, the complications had begun almost immediately; the first one being the mix up with Amanda's luggage. Thinking about it now, he chuckled at the thought of the garment that Amanda had first pulled out of the bag. It was obvious that Amanda would need some other source of clothing. Taking a woman shopping was not something he cherished especially when that woman was as frugal as Amanda. He had to convince her that buying that white dress was not an over indulgence; she would need it for the case. Actually, he had been the one to pick it out. He thought it would be just right for her with its simple, classic lines and the way it swooped down her back…. He quickly put a stop to those thoughts and focused on the details of the case.

Conrad Walter Barnhill. Of course, some guy from Amanda's high school would get caught up in international crime. Why not? Amanda had gotten mixed up in counter-intelligence…what had they taught them at that high school? As Lee thought over the whole situation, he recognized that his reactions throughout the case really had been all over the place. It had been odd to compare his professional knowledge of the Mongoose with Amanda's more personal knowledge of Conrad. Why did it irk him when she called him "my Connie?" It was "his Mongoose" that they were trying to find. He didn't care what Conrad Walter Barnhill had been like back then; he knew what the Mongoose was capable of now. Wasn't it just the fact that Amanda wouldn't accept his professional opinion about the case that had irritated him? Why else would Amanda's personal knowledge of Conrad bother him?

But she had been right, he acknowledged. Conrad could never have been the Mongoose; he really was just "good old Connie." Lee realized he should have been glad about that break and moved in to catch his quarry, but instead the investigation had gotten a bit messy. Maybe including Amanda in the interrogation hadn't been necessary. The good guy/bad guy routine had been a fiasco. He should have known from the beginning that Amanda would have been able to get the information out of him with the way she fussed over him. Any lonely sap would fall for that kind of attention. Imagine telling her he loved her during an interrogation like that? It had been a bit embarrassing to listen too, actually. Well, it had made him uncomfortable at the time.

Taking a sip of his drink he had to ask himself why it had made him uncomfortable to hear Conrad's confession. He'd heard all sorts of strange comments come from interrogations. It wasn't as if he was jealous? Not of Connie. And it wasn't an odd thing that someone would love Amanda. Maybe it made him feel awkward because Conrad was free to express himself to Amanda. Maybe there was something about Conrad's ability to have the freedom to say what he felt. Maybe he was envious of that? He had never been trained to say what he felt, not in his upbringing or by the Agency, it seemed foreign to him.He'd even had a hard enough time saying "thank you" to Amanda as he put her on the bus later that day.

He should have known he couldn't simply put Amanda on a bus to take her to the airport and her waiting plane. All he had wanted to do was get her back home to her children, where she belonged. She had been very useful in getting Conrad to divulge his involvement with the Mongoose. Her part was finished, and Lee would be able to be single-minded and do his job instead of having to watch over Amanda as well. But, no, things were never that simple with Amanda involved. Why was he surprised when she hadn't made the flight? Once again, he would have to carry with him his concern for Amanda's life and her children's wellbeing into the mission. Of course, she had kept her head about her once again, and he had been able to capture the Mongoose. Once again they had accomplished their goal, together. Lee chuckled sarcastically to himself as he drained his glass. Once again, together, despite his best attempts at trying to be on a solo mission. Would he ever be Scarecrow the lone agent again? He didn't have an answer for that question at the moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**1**

**Window Reflections**

**To Catch a Mongoose**

Amanda had only ever taken a handful of trans- Atlantic flights and it never ceased to amaze her to see the beauty of the earth from an airplane window. But her gaze had settled from the sites beyond the small window to her reflection in the window, and her thoughts had gone from the distant ocean to the days that she had just experienced in London. It had been such an unexpected whirlwind of a trip. She smiled at her reflection with an amused smirk. She shouldn't be surprised about that, she was working for the Agency. But she really hadn't expected that Agency work would involve being flown overseas to identify an old high school friend as a possible international killer, especially when that friend was Conrad Walter Barnhill.

Poor Connie, it had seemed to her that he had always been a bit awkward and a little lost in life. But that had actually been what had endeared him to her even back then. She was always drawn to people who seemed lonely and lost; it was part of her nature. At first she couldn't believe that he had gotten mixed up in this Mongoose business, and it had confused her a bit when he had tried to insinuate that he actually was the Mongoose. But when he had pulled that gun on her she had been truly scared. She hadn't known what to believe at that moment. But everything began to makes sense again as she talked to Connie in the interrogation room at Scotland Yard. She smiled as she thought of Connie's confession to her about how he loved her. That was sure was sweet of him. Poor Connie, she hoped that things would turn a corner for him now that he had helped Lee to catch the Mongoose.

But the whole business with Connie hadn't been the only thing that had seemed confusing. Lee had confused her quite a bit during her time in London. He had seemed so grumpy and aggravated, and she couldn't understand why. She had thought that Lee and she were becoming pretty good friends who enjoyed each other's company. After all, the last time she had seen him back home in Arlington had been when he showed up at her back door late at night to ask her to take a ride in his new car. It really made no sense why her presence should have affected his mood in that way. Maybe it was just the case; she could imagine it being rather stressful to track down a ruthless killer who had never made his face known. But she couldn't get over the feeling that he had been a bit annoyed at seeing her.

Maybe at first it had been because of the mix up with her luggage. That _was_ aggravating. What would she have done if Lee hadn't taken the time to take her shopping? It was nice that the Agency had offered to pay for a replacement wardrobe, but they hadn't needed to go shopping at Harrods. Amanda had never spent money like that on clothing; she had always tried to be as thrifty as possible. It had taken her totally by surprise when Lee had insisted that she consider buying that white dress. She thought it was a very lovely dress, especially on the mannequin, and very much her style but never in a thousand years would she have spent so much money on a dress for one evening. Lee really did have nice taste, but for all his insistence on her having it he had seemed very frustrated and preoccupied later that evening when she asked him if she looked all right in it.

Maybe that was what had confused her. Lee's behavior had been so erratic. One moment he was being kind and the next he was impatient and curt. Like during their interrogation of Conrad. It was nice of Lee to allow her to be included as Connie had asked. But Lee had gotten so short with her. And then she had spoken to Conrad alone and had gotten all the information they had needed out of him. She thought she had done a great job; even Keaton had said she had as she left the office. But it seemed like Lee couldn't get her out of London fast enough. "Home to your children," that was what he had said, why had he said that? And then when he had taken her to catch the bus it seemed like he was he trying to be conciliatory but it had been so hard for him to say "thank you" or confess that he was worried about her safety even though it felt to her that he was.

Well, it didn't matter if she ever completely understood Lee. In some ways he was like Conrad, sort of lost and lonely, and she was drawn to him as well. And in the end even after all the scary moments she had spent with the Mongoose himself, Lee had been able to capture him, and she and Connie were safe. It must have been a relief for Lee to have the case wrapped up. She knew it was for her, especially when they were able to shake hands and reaffirm their friendship. As she looked at her reflection in the small airplane window, she was glad that the uncertainty of these last few days was over. Having tea with Lee before catching her plane today had been relaxing and enjoyable. She chuckled to herself; even though they hadn't been able to have tea in the palace where she had teasingly suggested she belonged, she'd been able to have a proper British afternoon tea with her friend Lee and that seemed to be where she belonged at that particular moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**2**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**The Times They are a Changin'**

Lee was back in his hotel room pouring himself a glass of scotch. He had spent the day walking around Munich; actually, he had been following Amanda and her family as they went for one last sightseeing tour of Munich just to make sure they were safe. He had made sure that even Amanda hadn't known that he was there; he'd wanted her to be able to enjoy the last moments of their trip as a family, even though it really had been for Agency purposes that they had been flown over in the first place. It had been a long time since he had looked at the beautiful old city as a tourist would, with eyes that marveled at the beauty and strangeness of a new country. It was as if he was seeing it for the first time again, and he had caught himself a couple of times wanting to come out of his shadowy corner and share a bit of history or a personal story that he had about a certain place with the boys or Amanda or her mother.

There had been something different about this overseas case. He had been on numerous missions in Munich, staying even for months at a time, often undercover schmoozing with the upper crust of society. This time his job was to get Haddy Kemp out of the country and out of the Riebaden group because Haddy had discovered that he had a more important role in his life; he had found out that he had a son who needed him. Because she was a civilian, Amanda had been the one that the Agency had decided to use to communicate with Haddy. So this time he was there to guide Amanda through her role in getting that information from Haddy. And he was there to keep her family safe as well because they had been included in order to keep her tourist cover authentic. During this mission there was no way that he could operate as the lone agent that he was so proficient at being. Never before had he had to take into consideration the presence of the mother and two young sons as part of the cover of another agent. He had never needed to. Had it been worth it?

Lee took a sip of his scotch as he thought about everything that had transpired during this assignment. Amanda really had done an excellent job delivering the messages from Haddy. She had played the part of a tourist naturally, of course. He chuckled as he recalled the evening in the beer house; she had seemed so nervous dancing with that stein. It had actually been rather cute even though she had tossed her beer all over him. Next he recalled the panic that had flooded through him as he had watched from a distance as that car had tried to run her down. The relief that he had felt when he had finally caught up with her at her hotel lobby had then quickly been erased by aggravation to see her step out of that red Ferrari and hear her mention Baron Von Eiger. Amanda wasn't supposed to be getting into danger during this trip; she was supposed to be a tourist. And she most definitely was not supposed to be getting saved by lint-picking barons driving Ferraris and making comments about the bone structure of her face!

He took another calming sip from his glass. But that connection with the Baron had provided them with the next break in the case. It had thrown both of them right into the midst of the Riebaden Group's center of operations and in ropes for the night. It hadn't been the first uncomfortable night that he had spent with Amanda. They had been tied up before, but this time Amanda had said she was scared. It always made him feel an uncomfortable tightness in his chest whenever he heard her say that; he hated it whenever he got her into danger like that. Maybe she was getting used to being in tight situations with him, she sure had handled the chair quite well as they worked together to get free. And then earlier today she'd had the idea about the glockenspiel and the knight. It would have been easier for him to jump on that bike and take Von Eiger down by himself. Just a few weeks ago he would have resented her insistence of going with him. But today it had seemed the right thing to take her with him, after all her mother and the boys were there. He paused at this thought. When did words like that make him change his mind about how to proceed? He knew the answer to that question; since he had begun to work with Amanda King.

Lee finished off his glass of scotch and proceeded to pack his bags for his flight home. He was smiling as he remembered how Amanda had slipped away from him in the crowd after he had captured the baron. She was learning from him pretty well. It had been worth it to use her for this case, he decided. Not only had they been able to get Haddy out but they had also caught the leader of the Riebaden Group: Baron von Eiger, playboy extreme and lint picker. "The bone structure of your face is quite lovely" What a line! It was true though…


	5. Chapter 5

**2**

**Window Reflections**

**The Times They are a Changin'**

Finally, the hotel suite was quiet. The boys had fallen into an exhausted sleep a while ago, and her mother had put the finishing touches on the last of the postcards and had gone to bed herself. Amanda was now in the bathroom preparing for bed as well and finally enjoying some solitude. She had paused in her before bed routine and had caught herself staring at her reflection in the mirror; for the first time in her life she was really noticing the bone structure of her face. She couldn't see anything remarkable; she was pretty enough she guessed. Maybe the baron had just used that as a line to get her to the soiree; it had been a set up after all. Just like this vacation was a set up. And her mother had said she was blessed, ha!

She had wondered if her imagination had put Lee in the crowd the other day and seeing him had caused an air of expectation to be about her as she and her family had walked around Munich. The surprise had given way to a brief moment of joy when he had grabbed her out of the crowd, then to aggravation later on as he had divulged that she and her family had been brought to Munich on Agency business and she hadn't won a contest at all. She was there to act like a tourist to help bring in Haddy Kemp, a man who spoke for a terrorist group. That wouldn't have been so disappointing if Lee hadn't behaved so business like and even demeaning as he spoke with her. Why did that man have to be so rude? Didn't he even know how to say "hello"? She asked her reflection in the mirror. It had felt as though Lee had wanted to keep her off balance this time with all of his appearing and disappearing. She did understand the "need to know" concept, but sometimes she wasn't sure how not knowing provided for her safety.

After meeting Haddy and learning that he wanted to come home because he had discovered that he had a little boy that needed him she felt better about her assignment. But being on an overseas trip with her family that had really turned into a job for the Agency had caused her to have quite a bit of anxiety as well. Lee had tried to assure her that she and her family were in no danger, but she wasn't completely comfortable. Well, not until he let her know that he was personally checking up on them. That had meant the world to her. It had taken her by surprise, especially after having been almost run down by a car. She had been taken aback by the seemingly heroic rescue by the baron in that fancy sports car, but that had paled compared to Lee's confession that he had checked in on her mother and the boys. Even now, remembering his bashful admission to it brought a smile to her face and a warmth to her chest.

Scary things had happened after that. Being directed by Lee to get rid of the woman talking to the good will ambassador and then him telling her to mingle alone at the party had made her uncomfortable, but she knew they were important skills for her work with the Agency. Nothing was quite as scary as being tied up all night though. But then, during all that night she knew that Lee was there with her, and she knew that somehow they would get out of it, they always did. As scared as she was, she trusted Lee. She could even trust him with her family. She knew he understood how important her family was to her. That had not always been the case, but with his confession the other day that he'd been watching out for her mother and Phillip and Jamie, she knew she wasn't alone in her concern for them. Earlier in their acquaintance she was not always sure that he understood her priorities, but now, now she knew that he understood her as a woman with a family. After all, he had taken her with him when he went to stop the baron at the glockenspiel because her family was there. She knew that decision had puzzled Francine at least, if not Billy as well. But in that moment she knew that Lee truly understood that she needed to be there for her family no matter what and that brought her a measure of peace about her family that she hadn't had in a while.

Family was important; it changed everything. It had for Haddy Kemp. It had always been important to her, and she suspected that it was something that was important to Lee as well, even though he didn't seem to have one. Maybe she was blessed? Maybe working for the Agency and helping people like Haddy to make changes in their lives was a blessing? Maybe having Lee Stetson in her life to watch over her family and train her in the spy business was a blessing as well? She suspected it really was for both of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**3**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Double Agent**

Throwing his keys on the sofa table, immediately loosening his tie and releasing the top button of his shirt, Lee poured himself a scotch and sunk into his couch. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the trip to The Arlene Francis Show earlier in the day. "Oh, Amanda" he sighed to himself. He couldn't get over how uncomfortable she had gotten when he had introduced her to the talk show host. He had never heard her tongue tied before, and then when she finally found her tongue, well, oh my, what a ramble! But something about hearing that ramble just made him smile.

At this moment Lee felt a wonderful contentment and triumph. This latest set of events could have ended much differently. He was so glad that devastating manuscript was destroyed by the fire. As unfortunate as it was that Harriman had been shot and killed, he was relieved that he would never be able to write such a damaging book again. If that book had been published, it would have turned the Agency completely on end. They would have had to scramble to relocate every single agent named in that book and rebuild all of their networks. It had made him furious that Harriman had tried such a low and traitorous thing.

The reality of relocating himself wasn't something that he had ever really considered before although he was always prepared for the possibility of it, that was partly why he never settled down and got attached to a certain place or people. Lee took a sip of the scotch and sighed another "Oh, Amanda" this time shaking his head sadly. Relocating Amanda and her family would be devastating for them. He remembered how being frequently uprooted as a young boy had affected him. He didn't want that for them. That was part of what had made him so angry at Harriman. It must have motivated Amanda as well. She had been so brave to do the money drop like that. Actually, she had been the one who realized the papers that Augie gave them weren't from the right book. And her ingenious idea about using the prong from his belt buckle had saved their lives when he had not a single idea how to get them out of those cuffs and away from that burning warehouse. It had taken him completely off guard when she asked him to take off his belt. He could feel heat come into his face as he remembered that moment. It had to be the scotch and the memory of the fire that was heating him so much right now he thought as he removed his tie completely and rolled up his sleeves.

The way he felt just now brought to mind another uncomfortable moment from the other day. As they had sat in the car before Amanda had headed inside the hotel to talk to Harriman she had mentioned that she had been thinking about the whole chance of relocation and not only what it would mean for herself and her family but for him as well. It had occurred to her that they wouldn't see each other again. Lee had never let himself think about the ramifications of something going wrong with his job; it was something that every trained agent knew could happen and learned to take in stride. But there in the close confines of his car he had gone from being focused on the steps he needed to take to get the manuscript, to pondering life without Amanda in it. Why had the atmosphere in the car gotten so charged? It wasn't just Amanda's concerns about relocation either. Somehow while he was sitting there next to her his thoughts had instantly gone to another odd moment spent in a car with Amanda. He hadn't thought about it in months but he had been taken right back to that time spent waiting for Francine in Amanda's station wagon when a patrol car had driven past and he had pulled Amanda against him. Lee quickly drained his glass and firmly placed it on the table. It wasn't something he intended to dwell on. He was a healthy man, and it was a natural reaction anyway. Just like with the belt incident.

It was easy enough for him to move his thoughts to more practical things. He was just glad that everything had worked out so well, and no one needed to be relocated. Everyone could proceed as usual without fear of having their identities revealed. He could continue to do his job, and Amanda could continue to be Philip and Jamie's mother; they wouldn't need to change their names or where they lived. Their lives would not be disrupted. And Amanda would still be available to help him out on occasion. She would still be around. That was satisfactory. No, actually it was more than satisfactory; it was a very good thing. With a nod, he got up to see what was in the kitchen for dinner.


	7. Chapter 7

**3**

**Window Reflections**

**Double Agent**

Looking up from the sink full of dishes, Amanda could see the reflection of the scene in the family room behind her. There was a lot of movement and commotion going on. She could see the full bookshelves and the family pictures scattered all over the room. She could hear her sons putting the finishing touches on their homework and packing the backpacks for school in the morning. She could see her mother gathering up the last bit of evidence from the business of the day in preparation of calling it a night. What often felt like a hectic scene that she always looked forward to the end of, tonight seemed to her like a scene from a Hallmark movie on TV. It was home, her home, and nothing had to change.

Thankfully she and Lee had been able to stop Harriman's book from being published. Amanda had never been more concerned for her family as she had when she first saw The Arlene Francis Show the other morning with her mother. And she had never had to be so determined to do anything she could to stop herself and her family from being exposed. She was convinced that she could set Harriman straight just by talking to him in person. Even if Lee thought that it was useless, she thought it was at least worth a try. Finding out that he was dead the whole time she had been talking to him had been completely unnerving. Visiting that dirty mud wrestling bar and meeting Augie wasn't much better. But taking the bag of fake money to that drop in exchange for the manuscript had really taken a lot of nerve for her. And yet she had done it.

She could remember how brave she had tried to be as she embarked on the drop and then how disheartened she was when the drop had failed, and even Lee had been caught. Then they had been handcuffed to that machine and the fire was raging all around them. But she wasn't about to give up. There was no way that she was going to let anyone put her family or herself or even Lee in a compromising position by publishing that book. It had seemed so hopeless, but then the idea just popped into her head; a prong from a belt buckle! After a few awkward moments removing Lee's belt, she had them free and now everyone she cared for was safe and protected, and life could go on as usual.

There were a few things that still hadn't settled inside of her yet though. She found herself repeating the phrase she had used with Lee as she was preparing to speak with Harriman, "If you state your problem, you define it and then you can solve it." Harriman had actually stated the problem first, and her mother had reiterated it as they were watching that fateful Arlene Francis Show. She had mentioned the havoc that untrained, unqualified people could cause if they got in over their heads. There were a few times that Amanda had felt like she had gotten in over her head and she was most definitely untrained even though she thought she was qualified; it just wasn't in orthodox ways. Like belt buckles, she muttered to herself. She would apply for training, and she would keep applying for it until she got it. Mr. Melrose would have to approve her request for that, it was the only logical way to solve this problem. She was determined not to be accountable for another situation like the Operation Sandstorm fiasco. She was also going to learn how to drive a stick shift!

Thinking of that frustrating moment when she was on watch in Lee's car and couldn't get it into gear to follow the bad guys brought to mind an earlier moment in Lee's car. She had been aware that it wasn't only her life that was going to change if the manuscript had been published; Lee's would have to change too. Maybe that didn't affect him as much as it would her. She could see a little bit of the reason behind the kind of life Lee lead. If you don't let yourself get attached to people and places, then it won't hurt as much if things have to change abruptly. She couldn't imagine her life without attachment; it was important to her and like her mother said she was no good at change. But Lee, he had been through a lot of change growing up on various military bases and didn't seem attached to much. It must make it easier for him to embrace the idea of relocation. But there in the car she thought she had caught a bit of hesitation in his nonchalance about the whole thing. Or maybe she was imagining it, he was after all a professional spy and he knew all about the possibility of relocation. It was just that…well, if she did ever have to relocate even though their lives would be very shaken up, she would still have her mother and the boys. But to be truly honest, she would miss working with Lee. She couldn't imagine never seeing him again; she was glad she didn't have to.


	8. Chapter 8

**4**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**The Legend of Das Geisterschloss**

It was a beautiful night in Salzburg, and Lee had decided that what he really wanted to do now was to sit outside and drink his Scotch. From the balcony of his hotel room he could see the lights of the city below him and just make out the form of the surrounding mountains in the diminishing light. As much as he enjoyed being around people he didn't mind a bit of solitude right now; at this moment he really could use some time without Emily and Amanda. He was fond of both women. Actually, he was very fond of them, but it was a kind of fondness that he had not had much of in his life, and he found too much of it a bit unnerving.

As he sipped from his glass he gazed at the lights twinkling below him. Now that he knew that Emily was safe, he was free to think about what she meant to him. As a rookie it had taken him off guard to be pairedin his first case with a woman who appeared initially to just be a rather normal, frumpy, middle aged woman; she really hadn't fit his image of what an intelligence operative should be. He had tried to stay objective and professional and not let his personal bias against her affect their work, but he had been surprised at how easily he had warmed to Emily. He'd had basically no exposure to a warm, nurturing woman in all of his formative years, and Emily somehow easily fit into and began to fill the void that he had tried so hard to forget that he had. Not only had she been a significant part of his training, but she had breathed on a dying ember inside of his heart and had allowed it to keep burning.

Yes, he'd had a lot of deprivation in his life, but Emily was a place of comfort, kind of like Amanda was becoming. Maybe that was why he had felt that great pull towards Amanda in the café the other morning? This wasn't just another case for Scarecrow, this one touched a soft place in his heart, and if he was perfectly honest, he had been feeling a bit vulnerable due to his concern about Emily. Having Amanda there had actually added some comfort. He had rarely needed that before, and there had never been anyone in his life to offer it. But Amanda had taken his hand and had spoken words of comfort, and in that moment he had felt a strong surge of affection towards her. Of course that surge stopped as soon as she pulled her hand out of his and he had returned to reality. He and this housewife assistant had to locate one lost British agent with only her drawings to go on.

For the first time in all his months working with Amanda, he had beenofficially put in a position to be almost completely dependent on her insights. It had placed them on what felt unnervingly like an even footing. He was comfortable with showing her the ropes of the intelligence business and trying to keep her out of harm's way, but depending on her interpretation of Emily's drawings was a real test for him. What was Emily thinking when she brought Amanda in on this one? Surprisingly, he had really enjoyed working like that with Amanda. He couldn't believe he was admitting that to himself, but walking around Salzburg and finding the clues in Emily's sketches would almost have been rather enjoyable if he hadn't been so concerned about Emily and uncovering the location of the electronic listening post before the start of the NATO deployment sessions.

Of course, finding Mariana, the waitress they had spoken to the other day, dying on the floor of the café this morning had underscored the seriousness of the case, and Amanda had really taken her death to heart. He had become very aware of how it was affecting her as he stood over the poor girl's body. Death was part of the job; he had seen it more than he would have liked to confess, and sometimes he had even been the cause of it. But to watch Amanda's response as that young innocent girl died in her hands had actually hit him in a way that a highly trained agent often didn't respond. He had always just dealt with the facts of a job, empathy was supposed to be a distant reaction for him. But this time he had wanted to gather Amanda up in his arms and shelter her from the realities of this business that he had drawn her into. He had felt nurturing, he recognized with surprise. That was what Emily and Amanda represented to him; they had both nurtured him and made him want to nurture in return.

As Lee tossed back the remains of his drink, he acknowledged that maybe a little bit of this was a good thing. It was true that Emily's nurture had made him a better agent; after all she had taught him to not be so brash and to use patience and control. And maybe the exposure that he'd had to Amanda had also had the same effect on him and was making him more careful. But too much nurture, too much empathy could soften him, take away his edge even. That was the problem, wasn't it? A little bit of Amanda King was a good thing, but too much? Too much could really mess up the Scarecrow.

As he walked back inside to his hotel room he found himself humming the tune of a song from The Sound of Music. "How do you solve a problem like Amanda?" he sang in his head. Keep her safe and keep her close, but not too close, he answered to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**4**

**Window Reflections**

**The Legend of Das Geisterschloss**

Amanda was sitting on the couch in her hotel room looking out the window at the twinkling lights of Salzburg at night. It was a beautiful city, and she couldn't help imagining Julie Andrews dancing and singing everywhere that she had visited the past few days. She could also imagine the von Trapps escaping from the Nazis and climbing over the mountains that surrounded the city. To her now, this city wouldn't just be an image from a Hollywood film or a story from the past. She'd had her own experience of adventure and beauty here in Salzburg. Picking up the drawing that Emily had made of herself and Lee from the coffee table in front of her, she thought of the past few days. They had been full of adventure, beauty and friendship.

It had taken her by surprise when she had suddenly been called to Austria. She was glad that she now could use IFF as a cover for this trip; it would have been hard to explain to her mother a third flight across the Atlantic in as many months without the film business cover. She was surprised enough by Lee asking for her, but to find out that it was really Emily Farnsworth that had actually done the requesting was even more interesting. Discovering that the nice English woman she had shown around DC that summer was also a spy made the whole adventure utterly unique.

She was so glad that she could be there to offer Lee any assistance he needed. Looking for clues in the drawings was the kind of mind work that she loved. What she had really enjoyed though was being there as a friend for Lee. There was something about this case that had had Lee on edge from the beginning. She could tell from the first few moments with him that he was bothered by something even more than the five years of military strategy that could have been blown by the listening posts. As he had described Emily's situation on that first day he had walked so fast that she'd had to practically run to keep up to him, usually she could keep stride with him easily with her long legs. She finally began to understand what Lee needed the other morning as they sat drinking coffee in that café. Lee cared for Emily as a friend, as a very important person in his life.

That had really touched her. She had often wondered if Lee had anybody really close to him. She knew that he was fond of Billy; she had seen the picture of the two of them in his apartment and it had made her smile to look at it. But Emily Farnsworth!? She had seemed like such a normal matronly woman, the type of woman that Lee would be kind to but not have a soft and tender spot for. Emily was a woman like her own mother; she was more like the type of person Amanda would be close to, not Lee. It really was amazing, not only was she a spy, she'd had a significant influence on the great Lee Stetson and she was his friend, someone dear to him. In that moment, this assignment in Salzburg went from an Agency job to a personal mission for her. She was there to help her friend, to help both of her friends.

Amanda placed Emily's drawing back onto the coffee table and allowed her memory to move on through the rest of the conversation from that morning. As she considered the moment that followed at the table in the café, she could sense the same unsettling feeling that had filled her gut then return. All that she had wanted to do was reassure Lee that she understood how important Emily was to him and that she was there to help him. So she had taken his hand, for emphasis more than anything. But it was as if the world stopped and she had been thrust into some parallel universe. Lee had taken a firmer grip on her hand, and he had stroked it with his thumb and leveled her with an incredibly intense gaze. She was bothered even now thinking about it. Maybe he had misunderstood her enthusiasm about wanting to help him find Emily? Maybe he had wanted to take advantage of the fact that they were alone here in Salzburg? That really had seemed unlikely to her; Lee had only ever treated her with respect, but in the back of her mind she was aware of his reputation as a playboy even though he had ceased to present himself as such to her from early on in their association. Maybe Lee had really only been truly vulnerable and appreciative for her offer of friendship in that moment. Whatever it had been, the intensity of the moment had confused her, and she had pulled her hand from his and gone back to the business at hand.

The awkward moment at the café had quickly dissipated and was replaced with the comfort that she had begun to expect with Lee. He had guided her around Salzburg like a gentleman as they had worked together looking for the letter clues hidden in the pictures. She laughed to herself though as she remembered how that Dr. Hanover had thought that they were a couple. Of course, maybe he had mentioned that because he had been trying to figure out who they actually were, now that she thought of it. But she had been glad for the comfort that she felt with Lee especially as they had gotten closer to finding Emily and the danger surrounding her predicament. She could still feel the courage that holding his hand had brought to her as they had jumped into the water surrounding that castle; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid indeed! And she was especially thankful for the reassuring comfort that Lee was able to give her after they had found poor Mariana this morning. Amanda shivered as she thought of that moment and got up to stand by the window of her room.

They had found Emily, and together the three of them along with Col. Metzger had prevented the transmission of information on the NATO country military strategies to the other side of the Iron Curtain and had captured Hanover and his associates. But what she was most aware of right at this moment was that she felt as if she and Lee had grown closer. Being alone in Salzburg with him had created a greater understanding between them. They'd had to rely on each other to solve the case, not on other Agency personnel or MI6 like the last few overseas assignments. And it really had been the information that she had brought with her about Emily that Lee had needed. He'd had to wait on her to figure things out. That had been an interesting and exciting turn of events for her and her "partnership" with Lee, she mused.

It had felt wonderful standing there with Emily and Lee with the bad guys subdued. Here was this amazing "normal" woman who was an agent and the crack agent she had initiated into the spy business standing there with her. And actually, Lee was training her. Somehow it was as if a piece of the puzzle of her life had just slid into place. Maybe if Emily Farnsworth could be an agent that even Lee could look up to there could be some hope for her to become an agent as well. She let out a satisfied sigh and turned back towards the room.

Looking at the picture one more time she committed it to memory. It really was a lovely drawing; both she and Lee looked so happy in it, but she would have to give it to Lee in the morning. There was no place for her to hide it where her mother wouldn't eventually find it. Amanda laughed to herself as she thought about what Lee would do with a drawing of the two of them at his place. Smiling, she got up and turned out the light. She had a long trip back home to her family tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**5**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**A Class Act**

Lee came in through the front door and carelessly tossed his suit jacket onto the nearest piece of furniture. He poured himself a glass of scotch and basically threw himself into the couch. He was glad to have Station One over. At least the Agency powers that be wouldn't pick him as the "ringer" again for a while; he had done his duty… and beyond. Being the ringer for a bunch of recruits was bad enough, but being the target for some enemy assassin hadn't originally been in the job description this week. Oh hell, it was just as well anyway. At least they got Leonid Vardosk and his time hadn't been wasted at the training camp. Actually, what had really baffled him was that Vardosk and Pavlovich had mistaken Amanda for the ringer! Amanda?

She really is something, he thought, but what? He had been completely dependent upon her insights in Salzburg on their last case together and they were able to successfully locate Emily. But this time, she had completely bungled all of the training exercises at Station One, and yet, she had discovered the connection that exposed Peggy as the enemy. He paused his thoughts and took a big gulp of his scotch.

He really hadn't wanted to go to Station One and he definitely didn't want to go if Amanda was there. As much as he had admitted to himself that he was fond of working with her on occasion and that she was useful at times on a mission, he wasn't willing to have to be around a whole group of his coworkers and other recruits as well as Amanda King. He couldn't help it; when she was around, he was always focused on what she was doing and where she was. Well, he felt responsible for her, her safety and her training that was all. How could he be Scarecrow, the professional, when he had to always watch out for Amanda King, the housewife?

He took another gulp from the glass. He seemed to be having another heated conversation with himself tonight. One part of his brain was arguing very convincingly for how ridiculous it was to encourage Amanda to continue to pursue official training, but the other part couldn't help but acknowledge that she had quite a knack for contributing in some small, but necessary, way to help to solve his cases.

Amanda just got too carried away during a case to remain objective. She was so innocent and she _hated_ guns. She was someone to protect and defend, _not_ someone to place in the _middle_ of the fray and expose to the kind of life he led as an operative. On the other hand, she _had_ been the one to discover the key bit of evidence and put together the information each step of the way at Station One. Even though most of her discoveries had been just lucky breaks, they had been_ her_ lucky breaks and he had benefited from having her by his side. Maybe that is all it had been for her, just being in the right place at the right time.

Gripping his glass, he could easily remember the breathless and scared tone of her voice though, as she responded to Billy after the explosion of his tent the other night. Putting himself forward as the bait for an assassin was par for the course for him. Everyone else who worked with him on an assignment understood that. Exhaling loudly, he allowed that if Billy just gave her jobs that stayed in her skill range and didn't expose her to much danger, everyone would benefit. It was just important that she not get in over her head. It was important that he protect Amanda from the more dangerous parts of his job as an intelligence operative. Maybe now that she had experienced Station One she would be satisfied with the kind of work that they were able to do together.

There seemed to be no resolution for his internal argument. All he knew was that with Amanda by his side as he and Billy discussed their next step, he had felt a little less free to put himself forward to lure the assassins out. Somehow, his professional edge seemed diminished because he knew that she cared what would happen to him, because she had felt fear for him. How was he going to operate as an agent if he had to worry about Amanda's feelings all the time?

Lee swallowed the last of his drink and stared at the empty glass. He had had enough of thinking about Amanda King and her role with the Agency. What he really had wanted was the warmth of the sun in the French Riviera. Well, since he had missed that, maybe he would take Jillian up on her offer of a weekend in the Poconos. It might not be sand and sun and glamorous French women, but Jillian had her own charms and the mountains of Pennsylvania were beautiful this time of year. It would be worth it to get away from DC, the Agency and new recruits, and Amanda King. He really had taken on a lot of challenges this past year, and he deserved a vacation.

He picked himself up off the couch and went into his bedroom to get ready for bed. He was carrying a bit of satisfaction about the state of his work and the training of the new recruits, and he turned back the sheets and climbed into the bed. He would enjoy his little vacation, he decided, as his head hit the pillow. It didn't take long for him to drift off into a comfortable sleep. For some reason he was dreaming of himself standing beside his bed. He was holding a beautiful woman close to him; it felt good to have her close to him because he was comforting her. He didn't often associate that kind of feeling with holding a woman in his bedroom. From the edge of consciousness he recognized that the scene was even stranger because there was a scarecrow already occupying his bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**5**

**Window Reflections**

**A Class Act**

Amanda straightened up from bending over the sink full of dishes and looked through the kitchen window. Her back was aching because of the judo throw that Peggy had performed on her at Station One, and she needed to stretch it. Reaching behind herself to massage the sore spot around her lower back, she thought about her experience with her first formal Agency training. Nothing was straight forward for her as far as the Agency was concerned, was it? All that she wanted to do was go through the process of learning all the appropriate skills for the work that she was already doing, instead she ended up being targeted as the "ringer," the top agent that some Russian assassin was supposed to take out.

Why on earth would an enemy spy think that she was the best agent there? After all, Lee was the actual ringer, and no one could confuse her skills with his. Well, being mistaken as a "top agent" had happened before she remembered with a sigh full of irony, but that had been because she had answered his phone while she was cleaning his apartment, not because of any skills she exhibited during a training camp. This time they had watched her and picked her out of a group of recruits as the experienced and well trained intelligence operative because of the way she had jumped to rescue Peggy and her "squeaky clean file". Now that was a ridiculous thing!

Placing her hands on the edge of the sink, she dropped her head and slowly shook it. She was not very satisfied with her performance at Station One. She had asked so many times for Mr. Melrose to authorize formal training for her, and she couldn't help but feel that she had bungled most of it. Why? She was a capable woman. After all, she could take a group of Junior Trailblazers into the woods for a survival weekend and hadn't she spent years single handedly raising those two boys? Even before her mother had come to live with them, she had done the lion's share of the work around the house while Joe was in Africa. She could remember the sundry details of all of their lives, handle any injury or emergency young boys could throw at her and multi-task almost constantly. Why did she freeze up when it came to remembering lists of items, swinging from ropes and encountering heights and zip lines? Of course, she didn't think she would ever learn to be proficient with a gun, but maybe she could learn some more of that self-defense stuff that she had started a while back with Dean. She probably could get pretty good at swinging her purse and improvising with other odd objects that might be at hand she laughed to herself.

Part of the reason she had not performed as well as she knew that she could have was because she had gotten herself all wrapped up in the apparent sabotage that was going on during training at Station One. Her mind was quickly occupied with trying to figure out which recruit was the one who had broken in to search the records. Emily had encouraged her to try to "think rings around the enemy" hadn't she? Maybe she had tried too hard. After all, the pieces had finally come together for her while she was helping mother pick up the fallen groceries. Come to think of it, maybe she didn't need to have all those amazing skills that Lee and Francine had. Didn't each one of those recruits at Station One have a specific skill that the Agency found useful? One knew Russian and one had a photographic memory. What did she have? Lee had said that she had come in handy sometimes as well. Why? Why would a housewife from Arlington be useful to the Agency?

She didn't really need to think hard about this one she realized. A year ago she would have had to spend some time thinking about it and then just shrug her shoulders and go about her life's business until Lee would pop up and involve her in another case. But now she'd had enough experience to at least know that she had something to offer. Maybe it wasn't the usual skills that intelligence operatives had; she wasn't proficient at hand to hand combat or the intricacies of international sabotage. But she knew people, and she did have a quick, logical mind. She was resourceful, and she saw things that Lee didn't always see. Maybe she could make connections that Lee couldn't because she was a mother and a housewife, maybe her mind worked differently than the other employees at the Agency? How many times had Lee looked at her with that questioning look? Gosh, he never would have been able to figure out that Emily had put clues in her drawings because he probably had never paid as much attention to a boys magazine recently like she had. But Emily probably had realized that it never would have even occurred to him to look at the pictures. That was why she had sent for her, to be Lee's partner.

Lee. She was good at working with Lee. They really did make a good team. She could help Lee by watching his back and paying attention to details while Lee used the skills he had acquired during his Agency training. She really did like working with Lee. That last trip that they had taken to Salzburg and these past few days at Station One had seemed different between the two of them; to her they felt more like a team, working together with more give and take now. Maybe Lee was right even if he hadn't meant it as a compliment; maybe they were as different as Laurel and Hardy, but they still made a good team. Even if she didn't get to go through Dodge City and it was Lee that had to be the bait, it would have gone very differently if she hadn't recognized those bean sprouts and the connection with the error in her file. Lee needed her whether he thought he did or not, and she was glad she was able to use her own set of skills to help him.

Remembering Lee offering himself as the bait caused her breath to catch in her throat. That had scared her. Why? She knew that was what he did for a living; he put himself out there to keep the rest of them safe. Maybe she used to be able to have a bit more distance from that truth. Lately though she realized, she was getting more drawn into his professional life, and she cared about what happened to him. It wasn't okay for her anymore to just let Lee put himself out there alone. She knew he had to, but she worried about his safety and well-being. He was her friend, and she cared what happened to him. As she thought about this, she remembered clearly how he had scooped her up into his arms after his cabin had exploded. "Are we okay?" she had asked. She couldn't help it. She and Lee were a "we" to her. They were a team. She was going to look out for him; she was going to watch his back. Maybe she could be real a partner to Lee? Maybe.


	12. Chapter 12

**6**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Our Man in Tegernsee**

Lee stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back into the seat. Lifting his scotch glass, he took a deep breath and brought it to his lips. How different this flight seemed than the one he had taken over to Germany just a few days ago. He was going to relax and enjoy this drink in a leisurely manner this time. On the last trip he had thrown the drink down his throat just to calm down his raging anger. He hadn't been able to rid himself of his incredulity that he was going to have to forgo his plans in order to rescue Amanda. Again. All he'd wanted was a little R&R and he'd had the perfect long weekend planned: the Pocono Mountains and a beautiful woman. And what did he end up doing but sitting in a crowded airplane flying to Germany to bail a housewife out of jail for passing counterfeit money.

He could consider how Amanda felt now, but on the way over he wasn't even able to let himself try. As he took a drink of the scotch, he let his eyes shift to his right where she appeared to be sleeping peacefully. It hadn't really been only anger with Amanda that had irritated him the other day, he allowed; he had been worried about her as well, and he now had the sneaking suspicion that the majority of his anger had been due to the anxiety that he had felt over Amanda's welfare and how it had made him feel. As he replayed that morning in Billy's office, he realized that the Agency could have sent anyone over to Munich to bail Amanda out, but he had immediately taken it upon himself. He had chosen to cancel his plans with Jillian to get Amanda, and the fact that it seemed like it was the only choice he had, made him furious as well. Maybe it had just been easier to get good and mad at her instead of worrying about her. That and he hadn't really wanted to give himself the chance to consider his reaction to her getting herself into such a predicament during her first courier assignment. But the anger that had churned in him during the flight over had been hard to maintain once he was standing outside that German prison cell with this particular bewildered, barefoot, exasperating woman on the other side. Edelweiss indeed!

Of course, it had turned out that it hadn't even been her fault after all. Well, that wasn't surprising really. More often than not the trouble that Amanda got into wasn't actually her doing. It was true that she would never have passed counterfeit money; he had known that all along if he had taken the time to think about it. She never would have done anything to purposely jeopardize her role as a mother and a daughter. It was a fact that he'd been forced to pay close attention to during the duration of the past few days because Amanda had been very concerned that her mother and her sons would be worried about her because she had been arrested. How many times had he had to talk Amanda out of needing to tell her mother every sordid detail over a public phone? He had walked a balancing act these last few days, hadn't he? It was important to him to get Amanda out of Germany and back to her family while at the same time trying to crack this counterfeiting case and suspecting that his longtime friend had gone bad on him.

Harry. Lee took another deep draught of the scotch. God, would there ever be people in his life that he could trust without a shadow of a doubt to be a friend; ones who would not turn their back on both their friendship and the values that he gave his life to protect? Why was that such a hard thing to find? He had felt such hope and excitement when he had thought of going to Harry for help. He was so glad that he could pinpoint someone who would easily be able to help Amanda out of her situation. But watching Harry as he drank schnapps in the middle of the day and catching him in his lies about the counterfeit bills made his stomach churn in a sickening way. He had known that his old buddy was going to betray him at the mill even as he had approached it. Sometimes it seemed as if he was fighting a losing battle.

He would have been toast if it hadn't been for Volkenauer and his men showing up in the nick of time. At least Volkenauer had been an asset. Thinking about him was aggravating though. That man had audacity! First, he puts poor Amanda in jail and takes her passport, then he intimidates her by following them around as they are trying to clear the whole situation up. And then when they finally get her off the hook and free to return home, he tries to detain her with a dinner invitation of all things! Honestly! He took the last swallow of the scotch and tried to avoid the realization that he was more aggravated about that than anything else he had considered since he had sat in the airplane seat.

Conscious of his slightly agitated state, he looked over again at Amanda to make sure that she was still sleeping. She seemed peaceful enough with her face turned toward the window. He felt badly about the way he had treated her when he had first arrived. He had spoken of his concern for everything else except her. And what she had really needed was his help and maybe even some comfort and assurance. She had such faith in him no matter what he did. Actually, it made him feel a bit sheepish; how could someone trust him so much even when he behaved so poorly towards them at times? Amanda was just a civilian, she was an innocent really. She didn't suspect that friends could be treacherous like Harry had turned out to be. Amanda operated more on an honor code, as if everyone was one of her Junior Trailblazers. Hadn't it been just like that when she reached to take his pinkie finger earlier today? He laughed to himself thinking about that and looked towards Amanda again. He had felt a giddy warmth course through him when she had done that, as if he was a young boy again walking along with his best friend if he'd had one. The thought startled him and he began to turn his head away. At that moment she turned and caught his eye, "Thanks for coming to get me, Lee," she said and smiled.

He could feel the warmth of her smile suffuse every inch of him and it made him uncomfortable. Nodding, he looked past her out the window. They were flying over the Alps, they really were impressive mountains. He looked back at Amanda and briefly returned her smile. He knew he probably would do anything to keep that beautiful smile on her face, and Lee just wasn't sure how he felt about knowing that.


	13. Chapter 13

**6**

**Window Reflections**

**Our Man in Tegernsee**

_It was such a relief to finally be on the plane heading back to Arlington and Mother and the boys. The upgrade to first class was definitely an added bonus; she really hadn't slept well the past few nights and she was glad to be in such a comfortable seat. It was her first time ever flying in first class, but glancing to her left she could see that Lee took it as a matter of course. He had immediately ordered a drink, stretched out his long legs in front of him and reclined his seat. She on the other hand had declined a drink and had turned her head so that she could watch Munich disappear away under her. Breathing deeply she tried to relax and closed her eyes. It didn't take her long to recognize that sleep would be elusive during this flight. Her mind was too keyed up after the experiences of the last few days. She might as well just gaze out the window and let her thoughts wander._

_She had been so excited on the flight over. It seemed as if her aspirations of working independently in her own right as an operative may have been coming true. She had been chosen for a courier job. It was a low level job, but you had to start someplace. It had seemed so simple, just drop off a letter and return home. She never would have expected that stopping to buy a few gifts would have landed her in jail. That first night while she sat there hoping that someone would come for her had been miserable; she shuddered thinking about it even now. Then Lee had come and he had made her feel even more miserable, if that could have been possible. Why had he behaved like that? She knew that the situation had caused complications, but really, Lee couldn't have believed that she had passed counterfeit money knowingly? She could understand a bit why he would have been frustrated about having to cancel his weekend plans, but honestly, he never really seemed to care too much for the women that he spent social time with. Well at least he had calmed down quickly enough. _

_While she watched the German countryside spread out beneath the plane, her thoughts shifted to the days spent in Tegernsee and Harry. She had enjoyed watching Lee greet his old friend. Other than the moments in Salzburg with Emily, she had rarely seen Lee so happy with another person, and she had felt glad that he had such a friendship. How awful it must have been for him as he began to realize that his friend had betrayed not only the Agency and his country, but their friendship as well. Harry had even lured Lee into a trap to kill him. No wonder it was so hard for Lee to be comfortable with a personal friendship. They had made some progress in their own friendship over the past year, but often there were times when it felt that she had hit a wall with him, and she could easily understand why. Trusting another was not something that Lee Stetson would easily do._

_No wonder he had been a bit taken aback when she had mentioned that she wouldn't leave Germany if Lee was left in disgrace. No wonder yesterday, as he had complimented her by telling her that she was a good mother, loved her family and was a responsible person, he had sounded like a little boy trying to say something nice for the first time. It also would explain why he had sounded like he was trying to be manipulative as well. She had the sneaking suspicion that he was trying to pacify her need to be honest with her mother and allay her fears. She really didn't want her mother to worry and telling her the truth would have been the best thing. Obviously Lee didn't think that the truth was as important as she did. In hindsight it occurred to her that maybe he was struggling with acknowledging the truth about Harry. _

_Maybe Lee didn't like to worry about anybody. Maybe that was why he had been so angry when he had shown up at the police station. It sure would explain a lot. Lee considered her his responsibility. He had made that clear as they sat in the café in Munich as they tried to figure out what to do.__She didn't want to be anybody's responsibility, especially Lee's – she knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. She wanted to be an asset and a friend, and a reliable partner, someone Lee could count on, just like she could count on him. Even though he had been a bit rough with her when he had first shown up, he had come through for her. She turned to look towards Lee. He was looking at her with the enigmatic look he sometimes had when they were together. It made her smile. Here was this complicated and talented man who could save the integrity of world economies and yet couldn't figure out how to communicate a simple compliment, looking at her like she was the greatest puzzle in the world. Well, it really wasn't that complicated. "Thanks for coming to get me, Lee." She smiled then turned back to the window and closed her eyes. Maybe she could sleep now?_


	14. Chapter 14

**7**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Affair at Bromfield Hall**

After pouring himself his scotch he crossed the hotel room and pulled his suitcase and garment bag from the closet. He was packing again. It seemed as if he spent a good majority of his life packing, whether it was packing sundry different outfits for various covers during an overseas assignment like this last one or boxing up the contents of his apartment or room to move to yet another location. This assignment was a perfect example, he thought, as he placed his business suit into the garment bag. Choosing to use the businessman cover had been a pretty straightforward approach in order to plug the intelligence leak before the North Sea Defense Strategy meeting. He had thought it would be even more convincing to include Amanda as his personal secretary, and she had seemed very enthusiastic as always until he had described her role as "window dressing" and dismissed her for the afternoon and suggested she do some sightseeing.

But nothing was simple with Amanda. Tell her to go do some sightseeing and she gets mixed up in a sex scandal! How did she do it? How come she could take the simplest of tasks and make things difficult? Imagine, Amanda, in a sex scandal?! It was ridiculous, just as he had kept telling her all weekend. All anyone had to do was take one look at her wholesome feminine appearance and they would know that the woman would never mix herself up in such a thing. He had even told her that, and she had gotten offended. Why would she argue with him as he explained why it was obvious to him and anyone who knew her that she wouldn't do anything scandalous like that? Imagine, Amanda involved in a steamy, clandestine love affair? He didn't want to; he didn't even feel comfortable putting the words "Amanda" and "sex" in the same sentence. Taking a long sip of his scotch he realized that he really didn't want to ask himself why he couldn't.

He hadn't been exaggerating when he had told Amanda that this was the most sensitive case of his career. For some reason as he had told her that, he'd had the sneaking suspicion that it had just become even more sensitive. Not only did he now have international security and the reputation of Britain's and America's intelligence communities to protect, he had Amanda's reputation to uphold and defend as well. He should have known that he wouldn't have been able to simply stash her at Bromfield Hall and return to his investigation in London. It actually had been a lucky break that Amanda had been implicated in the scandal. Going to Bromfield Hall had been the key after all.

Snapping out of his musings, Lee reached into the closet and pulled out his tux. Placing it into the garment bag, his mind returned to the reception at Lord Bromfield's later that evening. Boy, had Amanda fussed over him that night; she had been so worried about the injuries he had sustained when she had pushed him away from that falling urn. It always made him uncomfortable when she treated him like that. He was getting used to Amanda, the suburban housewife as a helper, but Amanda, the mother, tending to his scrapes and bruises was a whole other thing, and it was not something he was used to or would ever grow accustomed to. He was sure of that. But Amanda in that black dress with the spaghetti straps and the rhinestones, now that was something he could…. No! That was something he would not think about! He reprimanded himself as he zipped up the garment bag.

Next, he opened the suitcase and began to pack away his more regular every day clothes. Picking up the plaid jacket, he folded it slowly and his mind drifted back to the conversation on Lambeth Pier. What had happened there? He still could not make sense of that conversation. He was a trained intelligence operative; it was his job to pick up the slightest nuance in a person's communication in order to deduce their hidden motives, but he had been completely caught off guard by Amanda during that conversation. At first he was afraid that she was trying to tell him that she had "loving" feelings for him, but of course she wasn't, that would have been ridiculous. But something had flowed between them; he was astute enough to recognize that. What had she been saying? He hadn't had the time to really think about it until this moment, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted to and yet he wasn't sure if he could stop himself. He took another swallow from the glass and placed it on the nearby dresser and let his memory replay the details.

She had said that people who care about each other touch each other, that they hold hands and they put their arms around each other. And she had taken both of his hands in hers and had begun to caress his arm. The current that he felt was like getting zapped by electricity, but there had to be a simple and logical explanation for it. It was probably due to the fact that he had told her that he was going to have to return to Bromfield Hall to lure the killer into the open. Of course, Amanda cared about what happened to him, she was always so concerned for his safety on any mission they worked together, and this one was no different. Any other explanation would be utterly ridiculous. Shaking his head and laughing to himself, he turned to pick up the next garment to place in the suitcase.

But as he held the shirt above the suitcase, his movements halted. It was as if he was viewing a slide show of the past months. Moments flashed before his eyes - walking Amanda out of the bullpen with his hand on her back, grabbing Amanda's hand as she came out of a hotel in Germany, guiding Amanda through the streets of Salzburg with his arm firmly wrapped around her waist, holding Amanda in a close embrace after revealing to her that he was indeed alive. Her words came back to him again: people who care about each other touch each other.

She was right. He did care about her. And he must care a lot, he noticed. Yes, he did notice things like that, but he didn't want to notice, and he didn't want to care about Amanda the way it looked like he did. He didn't want the responsibility, the worry or the fear. He didn't want to feel the hurt or the pain when the person he cared for left or was taken away. Damn it! He wanted to throw something or have a temper tantrum. He felt like someone was trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do. He vehemently shut the suitcase as if he could shut the lid on the emotions that he was feeling at the moment.

Downing the remainder of the scotch, he resolutely placed his bags by the door. He needed a break. It would be a nice change of pace to be back in DC. He could enjoy the success of this last mission. Amanda would be nice and comfortable at home with her family; she had said something about painting some rooms at her house, which should keep her busy for a while. And he would go home and call Margot, she was always fun to be around.


	15. Chapter 15

**7**

**Window Reflections**

**Affair at Bromfield Hall**

Past the huge plate glass window her plane was being prepared for boarding, but at the moment Amanda's gaze was not going farther than the window glass itself. Her thoughts were still in London and Bromfield Hall and all that had transpired there. Lee had been correct when he had called this the most sensitive case of his career. It had been sensitive for her too, but not for the reasons that Lee was considering. She had been very happy to be a part of Lee's cover for this latest overseas adventure, especially after the way her last international courier assignment had turned out. She was eager to prove herself again as a reliable Agent trainee candidate. Playing the role of Lee's secretary was right up her alley, and she was prepared to pull out all of the stops for him. But he had called her "window dressing." Even as she replayed that moment now, it still stung. Why did he say that to her? Why did she let him?

But truly that was nothing compared to being implicated in a sex scandal and having her picture plastered all over the British Isles! She shut her eyes tightly and shook her head; well, at least Lee had kept the story from getting into the papers at home. She wasn't going to take what he had done for her for granted. Even though he had been in the middle of such a sensitive case, he had taken the time to make sure her reputation had been protected there at least. But it sure hadn't seemed like he was any more supportive than that. Gosh, it wasn't like she had done it on purpose. At least Lord Bromfield had been trying to right things. Maybe Lee had just been focused on the case as he should be. She hadn't wanted to cause trouble; she had only been trying to do her job and help Lee like a partner should.

And actually she had helped, she realized as she nodded to her reflection in the window. Having to go to spend the weekend at Bromfield Hall had ended up being part of the case. Maybe Lee should have thanked her for bumping into Lord Bromfield in the first place, the whole thing had been a set up after all. Really, if she hadn't been there as "window dressing" Lee wouldn't have discovered the plot or if he did he would have gotten hit with that falling urn or stabbed with that pike. Phew, it was a good thing she had been there, even if he didn't like the way she fussed over him as if he was one of her boys.

She could forgive Lee for a lot of things. She had known that he hadn't really meant the window dressing comment to hurt her even before she had mentioned it on the bridge, but it was nice to see that he was sensitive to the fact that she had been offended by it. He really wasn't as insensitive as he tried to be, she was sure of it. She knew Lee well enough now to know that there was more to his hardened operative persona than what he tried to portray to the world and to her. And she was determined to stick by him as best as she could. She just knew that Lee needed her even if he denied it. That was why she made a point of going back to Bromfield Hall with him even though the idea of Lee returning to try to lure the killer back out scared her to pieces. If making himself the bait for murderers was what he did to protect national security, then her job as his partner was to watch his back, not to hold him back from what he needed to do.

Looking through the window, she could see that the crew on the tarmac was still working to prepare her plane. Since she was allowing her thoughts to go to that conversation on the bridge, she might as well let them explore the rest of the conversation that she and Lee had. Talk about a sensitive case! What had happened between them as she explained her theory about Lady Bromfield's guilt? She had only been trying to illustrate her point. She hadn't felt that much discomfort with Lee since that weekend that she had spent with him at the Cumberland pretending to be Mr. and Mrs. Lee Stetson. She hadn't meant anything by taking Lee's hands. But something sure had transpired between the two of them, she felt it the moment she put both her hands on Lee's. And he had noticed something too.

It really was the strangest thing. Lee was her partner; she had put all those silly notions behind her months ago. Lee couldn't have thought that she was trying to communicate anything by her touches could he? She didn't love Lee. Well, not like that. She did care about him, of course she did! Lee was her friend, an important friend. But she couldn't love him as more. And Lee certainly would never care for her that way. It didn't fit into his lifestyle for him to fall for the likes of her. So what was that look on his face? It looked a bit like terror, but why would her touching him cause him to feel such fear? He touched her all the time….

Suddenly she looked up and stared hard at her reflection in the window, she couldn't breathe. He did touch her all the time. He always had his arm around her, he had done it again as they had left the pier that afternoon. He took her hand or her elbow often. Did he care? What was it she had said? People who care about each other touch each other, they hold hands, they put their arms around each other. That kind of described the way Lee treated her. She wondered if he was aware of how close her comment came to describing their physical contact. He had said that he noticed things like that, hadn't he? And then he had mentioned how practical Geoffrey had been to use Gwyneth. Practicality. Finally she let out the breath that she was holding. Well, she guessed that it was probably best to keep practicality in the forefront of her mind instead of caring and touching, after all she was learning to be a spy, and among other things, a spy needed to be practical.


	16. Chapter 16

**8**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**The Three Faces of Emily**

Lee settled himself into the couch, drink in hand. It seemed strange to be at home in his apartment and by himself. After spending most of the last 24 hours in Amanda's kitchen with Emily and Amanda he kind of missed the company. He was left to drink his scotch alone with only the cold stoic painting of Lenin to look at. He spent most of his time in his apartment alone, unless he was entertaining. It shouldn't feel as odd as it did right now.

Entertaining…. Usually when he had a quiet night like this, he would drum up some excitement, but he just didn't feel like it tonight. It hadn't really taken him by surprise when Margot had told him that she wasn't interested any longer in being entertained by him. He wasn't looking for a long term "thing" anyway. None of the women he spent time with were candidates for "long term", but he preferred it when_ he_ could determine the length of the relationship. He had even been a bit defensive about it when Amanda had asked him about her. For some reason it had left him unsettled when she had accused him of "going through them." That had sounded so shallow and it wasn't how he had wanted Amanda to think of him.

He had really just wanted to take Amanda to the party, mostly because it was going to be a nice surprise to reunite her with Emily. Emily had really taken to Amanda, especially after their time together in Salzburg; after all Emily had drawn that great sketch of the two of them; the one he kept rolled up in the bottom drawer of his desk. But he couldn't think back on his invitation to her without wincing. He really was smoother than that, wasn't he? Entering the woman's house and helping himself to the contents of her refrigerator were one thing, but telling Amanda King that he needed her was a completely different thing altogether. Where had those words come from? He didn't "need" Amanda; he'd just wanted to give her the opportunity to see Emily again. He lifted the glass to his mouth and took a long drink. It didn't matter any way. She had been very happy to go with him and help out for the night, and she did get to have another visit with Emily. She had also looked exceptional in that white evening dress….

Quickly moving on to more practical thoughts, he had to acknowledge that Amanda had been amazing about the operation taking place in her home at the last minute. Even though initially she had been overwhelmed as they had begun to execute their plan by dismantling her dining room, she had quickly adjusted and gone with the flow. He had hoped that she would, but when she actually did, he really had felt a surge of pride and admiration for her. Maybe Amanda had adjusted so well because Emily had been there, and she had given Amanda the support that she had needed. Maybe Amanda trusted Emily as much as he did? It sure seemed as if Emily trusted Amanda. What had she said to him after Amanda had mixed herself up with Whitsitt in the first place? She had mentioned that he needed to be more comfortable with improvisation because Amanda might just be very helpful. He gave a wry laugh as he raised his glass once again. Didn't he know that improvisation was the way to work with Amanda King? He had been learning that for the past year and a half.

Ultimately, he was glad that she had agreed to come with him to the party because her presence with them had provided a convenient way to re-gain control over the whole Falcon Wing situation. Having Sydney Whitsitt in Amanda's dining room where they could keep a very close eye on him and interrogate him was another one of Emily's brilliant improvisations. He didn't often rely on other people, but when Emily was on a role she was amazing, and he loved to work with her like that. It had been nice to work with someone as a partner again. If he could have a partner like Emily, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He didn't have to be responsible for Emily, and he respected her. They watched out for each other, he trusted her abilities even if they were different from his, and they made a good team. It was strange, he had shied away from using that word "partner" for so long now, but it had just slipped out of him tonight with Emily.

Emily had taught him so much when he had first begun, and he was reminded again of how good an agent she was as he was able to watch her work with Amanda. It had even been a pleasurable experience to explain their operations to Amanda as he and Emily worked together. Come to think of it, Emily and Amanda really did have similar backgrounds. Sometimes he forgot that Emily had gotten into the spy business by mistake as well; she had become so good at what she did that it never even occurred to him that there had been a time when Emily would have been learning the ropes as Amanda was. He took for granted all of Emily's finely honed skills and professionalism. However, he hoped that Emily hadn't encouraged Amanda in her aspirations; he did not want to think of Amanda as ever becoming a full time agent with all the experience that Emily had gained. Downing the remainder of his drink, he shuddered a bit thinking of how much it would put him through to get Amanda to that point.

Placing the empty glass on the coffee table, he stared at the picture of Lenin again. In his mind he was brought back to that moment when the three of them were standing in Amanda's dining room discussing the placement of the picture. He became aware of a bubbling sensation in his chest; he couldn't really identify what the strange feeling was, but he was tempted to call it joy. Being with Emily and Amanda had a kind of "whole" feeling to it. He couldn't put his finger on exactly why that was. Maybe it was because he really enjoyed both of them as people and working with them was so comfortable. It really was odd, maybe it was kind of like family. Sure, Emily could be considered a mother figure to him in some respect, he could concede to that. But how on earth would Amanda fit into that picture? All he knew was that it was nice working together in Amanda's kitchen; kind of a homey spy business, he smirked.Standing abruptly he headed into the kitchen. He needed to get something into his stomach, the scotch must have gone straight to his head; these thoughts were completely out of character for him. Attempting to shake it off, he said goodnight to Lenin and headed off to call it a night.


	17. Chapter 17

**8 **

**Window Reflections**

**The Three Faces of Emily**

Amanda walked into the kitchen from the back door where she had been standing when she shooed Lee out of her yard as he made his silent escape with the Lenin portrait. As she busied herself making coffee for her mother and Emily, she could hear their happy chatter interspersed with excited exclamations from Philip and Jamie coming from the living room. The kitchen, however, seemed very quiet and normal now even with all the commotion coming from the other room. As she looked at the room reflected in the window above the sink, it was hard to believe that just a few short hours ago she had been standing right here with Emily and Lee working on an important investigation involving three different countries and the plans for a top secret military plane.

When her mother and the boys had left for the weekend, the only plan she'd had in mind was to finally do a little sprucing up of the place. After all the travelling she had done this fall, she really was looking forward to a quiet weekend at home - alone. Nothing she imagined could have been further from what she had encountered when she walked back into her seemingly empty house. Finding Lee digging through her refrigerator first thing in the morning had been a bit unnerving. But she had been completely caught off guard at first when he had announced that he had come to ask her out. Why did she let herself respond to him like that? Her heart had caught in her throat. And then of course it dawned on her that there was probably some practical reason for why Lee was inviting her to a party; it had to have been work related even though he had been full of promises that it would only be pleasurable for her.

She had attended parties with Lee before as part of his cover; she was getting used to the routine, but she was intrigued by his mention of a surprise. She really had been truly surprised to see Emily there. And as wonderful as it was to be reunited with Emily, it was even more wonderful to see the look of happiness that was on Lee's face. She didn't think that she had ever seen him that happy before. Usually Lee didn't show deep emotion for others, but he seemed to beam as the three of them greeted each other. Amanda had always suspected that deep down Lee valued authentic relationships, and watching him with Emily that evening was affirmation that it was true. There was something special about sharing Emily's friendship with Lee as well; she felt as if he was letting her enjoy his treasure.

Of course though, being with Lee and Emily meant being on Agency business, and she never could have imagined what they were going to ask of her. Maybe if it had only been Lee alone who had asked to redo her dining room and turn it into a room that was supposed to look like part of the Soviet Embassy, she would have told him not on his life. She trusted Lee, but she wasn't sure he understood what messing with a home did to a housewife. It was the center of the nurturing place she had built for her family. Lee would do anything for a case; she wasn't sure if he could understand how important her home was to her. But with Emily there, it felt more like she had someone on her side. If Emily said it was going to be ok, then it would be ok. She was glad that she had decided to go with the flow. Seeing the smile that Lee had given her was worth it.

Watching Lee and Emily work off of each other had been a lesson in partnership. She had never seen Lee work so closely on a case with anyone but herself, and she was such a rookie that she really never felt like she was shouldering any real part of the load. She had learned that Lee cared for Emily during their time in Salzburg, but she could really see how much he respected her as an agent as they worked together during this case. Emily had taught him so much early on in their acquaintance, and now they were able to work as equals even though they had two very different sets of skills and seemed to be so different as people. She and Lee were kind of like Emily and Lee. They were two very different people with very different skills; could she and Lee ever get to a place where they could work together as equals like that?

It was encouraging to get to know Emily better, too. Sometimes she still wondered what she was thinking, attempting to be a spy. The conversations that she and Emily had had over the past day or two had shown her that it was possible. If Emily could do it, then there was no reason why Amanda couldn't. It almost seemed to Amanda that Emily believed in her and wanted her to succeed in the intelligence business, and that was the shot in the arm that she needed. As much as Amanda liked working with Lee, he wasn't always the most encouraging person in the world. Being able to observe his admiration for Emily gave her hope that she too, one day could fill the shoes of a respected intelligence operative.

Standing there in her kitchen, she could easily remember the cozy feel of the three of them working together to bring closure to the case. Emily had entrusted her with some significant roles in the Falcon Wing operation, and Lee had seemed to enjoy letting her do them. For some odd reason it had felt… well, it had felt very much like a family affair. How odd was that? Her reverie was abruptly interrupted by a voice entering the room behind her asking her about colors. Emily had entered the kitchen and was looking at the paint chips that Amanda had been holding the other morning when she had walked in on Lee in her kitchen. Amanda quickly abandoned her current thoughts in order to consider the color of burnt sand, but she had a sneaking suspicion that by the gleam in her eye, Emily knew exactly where her thoughts had been.


	18. Chapter 18

**9**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Brunettes Are In**

The storm that had whipped through the DC area the night before had left a warm, clear day today, but tonight, as the air had cooled, it had left a dense fog near the water. As Lee had finally left the boat basin, he had passed through parts of the road where there had been almost no visibility. He was glad to be home at last, pouring his scotch, preparing to sit comfortably and peacefully on his couch. The past few days had felt like that storm and that fog and he was hoping that now he could get some clarity.

The way he felt now was in sharp contrast to the night before. Last night, when he had gotten home, it had been so late and he had been so confused. His thoughts had swirled around just like the wind storm that was tearing around his apartment building. All he could hear repeatedly in his head were Amanda's sharp words, "I know you don't think I am right for the Agency," and "I didn't ask to join the Agency. You got me into it in the first place." And his own responses, "We have never been partners. I don't work with partners. You know that." And "You do what you think is best for you, that's all." Added to the voices was the sensation of a cold lump that he had been desperate to dislodge from his chest. He also couldn't rid his memory of the image of Amanda's scared face or the sensation of her hands under his as they held that lamp together after he had returned to her house and brought an end to the attack that he had come back to. All these things were churning around inside of him last night, just like that storm that was blowing outside, and he just wanted to make them stop so he could think and sort them out. He really couldn't understand what had happened between them or what was happening inside of him. It was all very confusing.

He sat there on his couch and let it all settle down inside of him. It was easy to remember how awful it had felt to walk out of Amanda's house after that fight. He couldn't believe how their conversation had turned. He couldn't believe that Amanda would even threaten to resign. And he really couldn't believe that it had shaken him so much. Had he ever had a fight with someone like that? He had fought with his uncle numerous times, especially in his teen years, but this was different. He had never had an exchange with any other adult in his life that had left him so confused. He'd had confrontations with others, sure, but it was usually over what had seemed like a black or white decision that needed to be made. He had really only cared about the outcome of the conflict, that he had made his point. He never tried to be mean, but he wasn't ever too worried about feelings. He had never had to think much about his own feelings at least. But this one had completely blindsided him. This fight with Amanda had felt like it had come out of nowhere and he wasn't even sure what it was about, or what to say, or even what he was reacting to. The whole thing had just been so damn confusing and it had taken a while for him to even begin to try to unravel what had snapped inside of him.

He had been alarmed by Billy's insistence to push Amanda out there into a mid-level courier assignment, and he had been right to be concerned, hadn't he? After all, the stakes had gotten so high when the original microdot had been replaced with the one holding the Tripod escape plan. And then it had appeared that she had bungled the whole thing. He had told Billy that Amanda wasn't ready for such an assignment – alone. Actually, he really needed to acknowledge to himself that it was he who wasn't ready for her to be out there alone. He was used to ensuring that she was going to be okay or being able to run to her rescue. When Billy had given her this assignment, he had taken the ability to ensure Amanda's safety away from him. And more things had been taken out of control for both of them and had been made difficult by the switch of the microdot to one that held the lives of three agents at stake. While he was being honest, he might as well also acknowledge that none of that, even the purse snatching, had been Amanda's had all been a terrible coincidence; it could have happened to anyone.

Last night he didn't know the connection between the stolen sock and the attack on Amanda. All he knew was that something else inside of him was feeling threatened, and he really had no control over it. It seemed as if he couldn't protect Amanda from future danger the way he had been able to in the past because of her desire to grow in her work at the Agency. Maybe it wasn't really Amanda who needed the protection? Maybe it was he who needed protection from caring for Amanda? He had decided years ago that caring for someone would threaten the safe, locked away place he had put himself after his last partner had been killed. Maybe somewhere inside he had held out hope that she would quit working for the Agency. The more he worked with her the more he had grown to care for her and the more he had wanted to keep her safe. Because he had come to care for her, he was torn between keeping her near him and therefore safer while on an assignment versus keeping her out of the business and safe altogether. But now Billy was giving her assignments on her own, and that was too much of a risk to Lee's sense of emotional security. He had somehow let himself get emotionally involved with Amanda King, even if it was only as very good friends, and the only way he had known to protect himself from such a condition was to make sure that she was always safe. As if he could control what Amanda could or could not do in terms of her decision about how far she wanted her work with the Agency to go? All he knew was that he wasn't going to be able to maintain the status quo; he wasn't going to be able to continue to control Amanda's involvement in Agency work and keep her in his life. She was too independent of a woman to let him do that. And last night he knew that he had come to a crossroad and had a decision to make. He could either try to control what she did in an attempt to protect her and himself and therefore lose her in his life, or he could somehow figure out how to let her fulfill her desire to work with the Agency in the capacity that he had to now acknowledge she was capable of.

She had been right. He had tried to tell himself that she wasn't right for the Agency. She was a mother of two young boys for Pete's sake! A "Hot Mama" as he had been so clearly reminded of last night as he had searched through her laundry. But he had been right as well. He wasn't holding her there. If she was going to continue to work for the Agency, then he needed to let go and let her decide for herself. As hard as it had been for him to say it, she needed to do what was best for her. And he had to admit that she did have some amazing instincts. After all, she had held her own during that attack. A lamp! She had gone after them with her own lamp! She really was remarkable!

Last night, all he knew was that something needed to shift. Tonight he could feel that something had shifted. He was glad that he had been able to intercept her resignation letter before it had reached Billy. A part of him was glad that she had gone through with writing it, even though as he read it he could feel that cold grip in his chest again. But at least she wasn't going to pin her involvement with the Agency on him any longer - now if only he could do the same. How often had he blamed himself whenever Amanda had gotten into danger? If he hadn't handed her that package she never would have even known that this life had existed for real; she never would have known that he had existed either. Maybe the fear that he felt was connected to the guilt that he felt whenever he thought about bringing her into the Agency and exposing her and her family to danger? He had tried to control all of those emotions by trying to control Amanda, and he had gotten angry each time she had slipped out of that control. But it hadn't ever really been her doing, it had only been because she wanted to continue to go further in the intelligence field and he couldn't blame her for that. She really could be proud of the work that she did, and she was right, none of this awful microdot fiasco had been her fault. Maybe the fight they'd had last night had cleared the air for them and maybe clearing the air had allowed them to work so well together at the boat basin earlier today disarming Sinclair and his men.

He could feel some clarity around him now, just like the breaks in the fog outside. He had meant it when he had said it was good to get the manacles off, and he wasn't just referring to the chains Sinclair's men had put on his wrists. He realized now that he had been bound for too long by his need to control circumstances in order to protect his heart from more hurt. He wanted to mean it when he had shook her hand and called her partner. But what was he supposed to do now? That question was like the walls of white fog that had come swirling around him and blocked his sight of the road ahead as he drove home tonight. Calling Amanda "partner" meant accepting her into a closer place in his life. He couldn't help it. Having a partner in this business was something that he took seriously. It meant he was going to allow himself to have a greater stake in Amanda King's welfare, even more than he already did. In the past, his fear for her safety had easily turned into anger whenever Amanda had gotten into situations that had become too dangerous, and he knew it hadn't been fair to her. He really needed to find a way to deal with that anger. Acknowledging his concern and fear over Amanda's safety and his need to protect her versus her own free will and desire to do this job was a beginning. So far, she had been pretty lucky, but he knew she was bound and determined to go further in her training. So how could he take her under his wing as a partner and train her and keep an eye on her without letting his fears control his responses? He was going to have to learn to trust those instincts of hers, and whether they were mother's intuition or woman's intuition or something else, they were an asset. Working with Amanda really had its enjoyable moments overall.


	19. Chapter 19

**9**

**Window Reflections**

**Brunettes Are In**

Tonight, every light was on in the kitchen and the family room. The boys were playing a board game, and her mother was reading a magazine on the couch behind her. Amanda turned from the sink and took in the tidy surroundings; she looked at the back door and noticed the new pane of glass. She noticed the calm weather outside and took comfort in the warm, bright, cozy atmosphere inside her home as well. She was safe at home with her family, where she belonged, thank God. She wasn't on some horrific slave ship. She shuddered as she tried to remove all those thoughts from her mind and went into the family room to join her family and finally fold that basket of laundry.

Really, as disgusting as her kidnapping had been, it hadn't been the only disturbing thing that had occurred over the past couple of days. Lee had been there to rescue her, actually they had been there to rescue each other and together they had been able to get Sinclair and the rest of those awful, twisted men arrested and stopped. But what would have happened to her today if Lee hadn't come back last night after their fight? It had been a long time since she'd had a confrontation like that with another individual. She had always thought of herself as a peace-loving and amicable person. She really didn't like conflict, and she tried to avoid confrontation as much as possible. But sometimes it seemed unavoidable, especially when it came to a personal relationship and expectations that people had for one another. Like she had said to Lee, when people lose their temper, that is often when they are most honest. As she thought about her fight with Lee, she kept feeling like she had stepped back through time to when she was still married. She and Joe had had some doozies as they were trying to get a handle on what was happening to their marriage and family life as they began to understand their differing expectations for their lives. But this argument with Lee hadn't been about a personal relationship, had it?

It had been about business, about her job at the Agency, about how Lee treated her and her role as his partner. She had wanted to take on more responsibility and she had been excited when Billy had asked her to take this courier assignment. Even though Lee called it a mid-level assignment, it was suited to her personal experience; she hadn't needed to pretend to be somebody different or do something that she wasn't used to doing. How hard would it be to do laundry and wait for someone to hand her a sock? When she was being briefed in Billy's office, she hadn't noticed any resistance from either Lee or Francine, other than Francine's normal disparaging remarks. She had felt a little nervous as she went about her business at the Laundromat. When her contact had come in and told her it wasn't safe she had felt some fear, but she thought that she had kept her head and done the right thing by putting the sock in her purse. But nothing could have prepared her for Lee's angry outburst when she had told him that the microdot was in her stolen purse.

His displeasure with her performance on the drop had completely thrown her for a loop. She had made mistakes before. How could she ever forget the fiasco that her time at Station One had been? But even then Lee had not gotten as mad at her as he had this time. He had even continued to enlist her help and give her another chance. She could easily recall how encouraging it had been to be included in the Falcon Wing project just the other week. But after his explosion outside the Laundromat, she hadn't known what she was about or what to expect in her life. She had counted on her work with the Agency and Lee to be a regular thing, and at that moment it felt as though she had somehow blown every chance she had of continuing. The insecurity she felt because of the botched drop, the purse snatching and Lee's unsupportive blow up was only magnified when she came home and received the news that Gail had gone missing shortly after Amanda had left her the other day at the charity. She could easily recall every detail of how awful that tidal wave of instability had felt.

When Lee had shown up at the fundraiser with flowers in his hands and told her that he had needed her help again, her hopes had risen; maybe everything would be back where it had been and life would once again make sense. But it hadn't lasted long. She had actually felt a twinge of excitement as they had headed out of the bullpen together to look through her laundry; she wasn't expecting Lee to put her in her place again. What on earth was wrong with the instincts of a woman or a mother? Intuition was intuition whether you were a highly trained agent or a mother of two boys. What he was actually pointing out was what an unqualified, amateur she was. She was fully aware of that, for goodness sake, that was why she had asked for training so many times. But they kept using her for some reason, didn't they?

As she sat there in that very chair in her family room last night, she had felt like she was sitting in the defendant's seat during the Inquisition. What could she have done that had been so very wrong? She had followed the instructions she had been given, and as far as she knew she'd had no control over any of what had happened. And she had done the best that she knew how to do under the circumstances. Lee was obviously overreacting and his anger was misdirected - but his anger had been there before. She had felt it in Munich as he had stood outside her jail cell and berated her about world economies. That time it had passed quickly enough and they had been able to proceed comfortably; this time it had boiled over. This time it appeared as if he had voiced all the aggravation that he had ever felt towards her. He had said he felt like an idiot, and he felt that way because of his association with her and her mistakes, and now three top agents were in trouble and he was in HER family room, going through HER laundry! She had always wanted his affirmation of her work, ever since the beginning of their working relationship, lately she had begun to think that she was beginning to have it, but in that moment she wasn't sure she would ever earn it.

In many ways, Lee's decisions as her superior would keep her from being able to go further in her work with the Agency. Whether it was because he didn't think she could do it, or he didn't want to be responsible for watching out for her if she did do it because of his fear for her safety, she wasn't sure. All she knew last night was that she couldn't go any further with things the way they had been. She had never wanted to be anybody's responsibility, and she definitely couldn't work with a man who thought that working with her was idiotic. It had angered and dismayed her that he had spoken to her that way, but she also couldn't imagine what her life would be without the Agency - without Lee in it. She knew that he liked working with her in some form and that he cared about her. Obviously, he must have cared in some ways. After all, he had gone out of his way numerous times to save her life, help her family, and even enlist her help even when there had been other options. She most certainly had liked working with him, and she had grown to care very deeply about him. She was also keenly aware of the empty feeling she had felt when Lee had stormed out of her house_._

She had never thought of herself as the kind of person who would manipulate someone, but even tonight as she thought about her words to Lee, she could see how she was trying to get him to tell her that he wanted her to keep working with him; that he thought that she should. His response to her statement that he had gotten her involved in the agency had been correct; no one could keep her there except herself. Earlier she had pegged Lee's angry comments as honesty, but she had needed to be honest as well. As she reflected back on their fight last night, she was reminded of other times that her emotions had spiraled out of control and had caused her to say and do things that she normally wouldn't do if she'd had the time to confront herself honestly. When she and Lee had spent that weekend at the Cumberland pretending to be husband and wife, she had felt herself as off kilter as she had last night. That time it was because she hadn't dealt honestly with her attraction to Lee. Last night she had needed to be honest with herself about her motives for working with the Agency.

If she was going to progress in this work, she needed to do it because she felt that was what she was supposed to do. It wasn't because she could be Lee's partner or because he "needed" her. She shouldn't quit because Lee Stetson felt like an idiot searching through her laundry or because someone else changed the microdot that she was supposed to deliver. So what if things didn't go as planned and Lee had gotten mad at her. She needed to decide whether or not this was work that she could be proud of for herself, Lee's opinion aside.

As she sat there in the family room reaching into the basket of laundry, she pulled out the pink "Hot Mama" nightshirt that Lee had wadded up into a ball and tossed the other night. She chuckled to herself now as she shook it out and neatly folded it. She wasn't going to look down on herself because she was a mother or a housewife. She meant it when she told Lee today that she was proud of her work. And it really hadn't been her fault that that awful man had stolen her purse with the microdot in it. She realized now that so much of Lee's anger really had nothing to do with what she had actually done. She needed to own her decisions and not be influenced by Lee's angry responses to things that happened which were beyond her control. She was a grown woman and she was choosing to do this work with the Agency; she knew the dangers.

She looked around her cozy family room again and smiled as she watched the three people she loved most busy around her. She was where she belonged, but she was also going to do the job that she felt she needed to do. She was going to work at the Agency, and it was her decision to do so. She could feel the strength and the warmth of Lee's handshake from earlier today; she could see the smile on his handsome face and hear his voice as he called her "partner." That was quite an admission from him, she acknowledged. And she was glad. It was nice tonight to know that they were going to be able to work together because they had chosen to.


	20. Chapter 20

**10**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Car Wars**

His hand went to his throat the minute he threw the keys on the desk. That tie bar had been choking him all day and he couldn't wait to get it off and pour himself a glass of scotch and call this day "over." If he had known that borrowing a car from the Agency impound lot would have been such a hassle, he would have rented one personally for Amanda and been done with it. Really, he had just been trying to do what Billy had asked him to and within La Rou's budget guidelines. Of course, little space men and Amanda King had made things even more complicated, but he guessed that had all become par for the course now that he had accepted Amanda King as his working partner.

Lee plopped himself down onto the comfortable sofa and leaned his head against the back of it. He was glad that Gino had actually been somewhat forgiving about the scrap metal that they had returned to the lot in the name of that God forsaken Stratford. He had feared a lot worse. Who would have thought that a car could have caused so much trouble? Even though Lee really didn't want to spend any more time dwelling on the hassle he and Amanda had had with that car, he was finding that he was having an increasingly harder time leaving work behind him these days. As he sipped his scotch, he knew that this was one of the ramifications of working closely with someone and letting himself care for that person; he couldn't just walk out of the Agency and let the door close on what happened during the day. To be honest he hadn't been able to do that for a while now. He was encountering a lot of new experiences working with Amanda, and he found that he really needed the time to sort through them a bit so he could leave it behind. Why did that woman get under his skin so much?

He had been so proud of himself when he had secured such an amazing car for Amanda yesterday. He should have known better. But what had surprised him most was how good it had felt to provide Amanda with a car that not only met her needs but was so rare and beautiful. He really hadn't ever known the satisfaction that came from being able to provide before. Actually, that sensation compared with the events that followed had made the rest of the day a complete downer. He had driven away from Gino's lot feeling pretty satisfied with himself, only to once again find himself on that familiar "Amanda King" roller coaster. When he got the call from the police a brief 45 minutes later that she had somehow gotten that amazing Stratford into a fender bender, he instantly regretted that handshake at the boat basin the other week and the conciliatory word of "partner." He had told himself then that Amanda didn't deserve his angry outbursts, but when he checked the damage to the car he had been sorely tempted to take the whole thing back. Looking back on the moment now, he was glad that his rational, reasonable self had triumphed, and he hadn't blown his stack like he had been so tempted to do. Of course, this accident had been no simple fender bender. Of course, there was so much more at work here. Of course, it hadn't been Amanda simply being the silly "female driver". But for some reason he hadn't immediately suspected that to be the reality.

Amanda had once again been the even keeled, logical problem solver he had come to expect her to be. Really, he never would have dreamed that he would have spent the afternoon sitting at a table in Ned's going over automotive quotes with Amanda trying to decide how to handle all these issues. Not only did he not have the time to take away from his important case for it, he had never discussed money and quotes with another person like that before. He hadn't thought about it in that moment, but it had seemed so… well, it had seemed so domestic, to be honest. It was odd now that he was thinking about it, but it had seemed so "normal". It really was bizarre to him.

Actually, the whole circumstance surrounding that damned car was bizarre! He should have known that it was related to a case, especially as things progressed. By the time Amanda had called him from the dry cleaners to tell him that the car had been stolen, he was sure that there was more to it than an extended version of "Amanda King history." He had also realized that she had been through more than enough in one day. As he had sped to where she had been left marooned by the car thieves, he had decided that although dealing with the car and all the interruptions to his day was extremely aggravating, what he was most concerned with was Amanda's well-being. All he wanted to do was relieve the stress that the poor woman must be feeling at that moment. She had only wanted to do her job both for him and her family, and somehow she had been left in a completely vulnerable position. As he sped through DC, he'd had to fight his initial, irrational temptation to respond with anger because things weren't going the way he needed them to. But as he had driven to where she was, he had realized that he was upset by the complications but more so by the fact that Amanda had once again been in danger. What really had mattered most was that she was safe, and he wanted to assure her of that.

Poor Amanda, she was visibly shaken by the time he had arrived; so shaken that she was dropping her dry cleaning all over the sidewalk. He had remained in business mode when he had first arrived, and all he wanted to accomplish was to get a description from her of the goons who had taken the car. As he bent down multiple times to gather up the laundry that she was dropping, he couldn't help but feel her fear and vulnerability, and he had been moved to comfort her. But it had been sincere, it really had. When he had told her that all that mattered was that she was ok, he had meant it. Actually, how much he had meant it surprised him even now. It was true, even if they had never recovered the car, all that had been important to him in that moment was that Amanda was ok. What had happened to him when he had reached out to take her arm and comfort her had completely taken him by surprise. He had reached out and touched her arm, and for a moment there, it seemed as if he was standing on the Lambeth Pier in London again having that awkward conversation with her about people who cared about each other touching each other. He had hesitated then, but really, why should this be odd? He cared, he knew he did… all that was truly important was that Amanda was ok. They would figure out the deal with the car in due time.

And they had. Of course, Amanda had been kidnapped first. Again. And she had handled herself beautifully; she had even tripped up one of those goons with a hose, and he had been very impressed by her professionalism in the heat of a tense moment. Had he been able to maintain his professionalism as well? Well, maybe he hadn't been completely professional as he had interrogated that Swedish Meatball the second time. What had he said to him? Something about it not being about business any longer, it was personal? They had taken a very, very good friend of his with that car. Well, it was true. Amanda was a friend. She was a very, very good friend… she was the best of friends, actually. And it was more than business. It had become personal because Amanda had been involved, even if he had told Billy that he had gotten the car for her because of business in the first place. Maybe those lines between business and personal were blurring a little when it came to Amanda King? How could that be? That was something he was going to need to get a better grip on, he decided, as he threw back the remainder of the scotch. But he could think about that tomorrow.


	21. Chapter 21

**10**

**Window reflections**

**Car Wars**

"Boy was it nice to have her old familiar station wagon back!" Amanda thought as she tossed the keys into her purse and hung the purse on the railing of the steps leading down into the den. Her station wagon was predictable and familiar and in one piece and parked in the drive. She had taken Jamie to get a new wheel for his bike this afternoon after she had returned from the impound lot, and she was enjoying every minute of not driving that crazy big car that Lee had gotten for her. It had been a nice car, and it had been very sweet of Lee to get her a car so that she could do the job the Agency needed her to do, but she had decided that nothing was worth the hassle the two of them had been through since she went with Lee to pick it up yesterday. Gathering some left over dishes from an after school snack and placing them in the sink, she began to run water over them as she thought about the crazy moments concerning that car. Well, almost nothing was worth the hassle. She had gotten a few new glimpses of Lee as a partner during those hassles; those had been worth it, although initially she had been pretty nervous about how he would respond when things had started going haywire.

Even though Lee had seemed to turn a corner with her after that last case with the microdot, the sock, and that horrible man, Sinclair, she still wasn't sure how he would respond the next time there was a mishap, and she was forever getting herself into the middle of mishaps. Yesterday's little "fender bender" was exactly the sort of thing that would have thrown Lee into a fit of anger in the past, and she wasn't so sure she wouldn't get a dose of it when he showed up, even though it hadn't been her fault. She had felt a bit of surprise as she watched him try to control his anger and frustration and take a practical approach. Getting quotes from auto body shops and making a financial decision about which shop to use had gone rather smoothly. She'd had to make decisions like that with a husband before, but she was sure that this was a new situation for Lee, and he had handled it with patience and control. And what an awful lot of money that car was costing him!

Of course, then things went from bad to worse or from unfortunate to completely bizarre. Coming out of Nedlindger's and finding the car without tires should probably have tipped them off that there was something up with the car. When those two men met her at the dry cleaners and stole the car from her, she knew that this might be more involved than she had previously thought. It had been a while since Amanda had felt such fear. Over the past year or so, she had been in some scary situations, but she had been able to keep her wits about her. The other week, when Lee had gotten so mad at her, had really rattled her. It must have left a real mark on her, because as she dialed Lee's number and as she waited for him to show up, she had been so scared of his reaction that she could barely catch her breath.

Maybe Lee had also figured out by then that there was something more to what was happening with that car than bad luck. But his responses to her had taken her breath away again and for a completely different reason. Looking back on that moment now she was a little embarrassed. There she was, dropping her laundry all over the sidewalk. And there was Lee Stetson, one of the country's top operatives, picking it up. He was soon laden with her dry cleaning. But he had spoken so kindly to her. All that was important was that she was ok? After everything they had gone through in the past few months, all the adventures and danger; through all of her mistakes and missteps? After he spent so much money on that crazy car and now it was gone he could reach out, grab her arm and tell her that all that was important was that she was ok? He had even caught himself being caring. Usually that would have sent him down the old road of qualifying statements and denials, but not this time; this time he pushed through it and really said it… he was even looking her in the eyes. She paused there at that thought. Her mind flashed back to their last trip to England and that awkward conversation they'd had on that bridge in London. He cares, he must. And she had the sneaking suspicion that he had remembered that conversation too. Maybe that was why he had paused as he was touching her arm there on the sidewalk.

So, what does that mean? Lee is not the type of man that she would consider as a candidate for a romantic relationship. She had been over that territory before and there was no use revisiting it again. It was nice to finally be thought of as a "partner." It was nice to have a partner in the Agency, instead of just feeling like a tagalong appendage. She knew now that she could trust him to not just blow his top at her when something went wrong. And she also knew that he trusted her as well. She hadn't forgotten the way he had handed HER the microdot the other week on that boat. And yesterday he had proven again that he was going to try to continue that new ground with her. She had been so nervous about his anger, and instead, he chose to respond with caring, and she could see that he had been working hard at that.

As she stood there alone at the sink, she had another odd realization. Lee's caring act was concrete proof to her that their working relationship had taken a significant turn after the tumult they had been through the other week in her living room during the Tripod micro dot ordeal. It was a significant event for Amanda as a woman, too. Really, when was the last time a man had said that all that mattered was that she was alright? Oh, she knew some very kind people, and her mother was always so attentive to her needs. But that one moment with Lee was the kind of thing her heart was starved for… she may need to be careful how she let herself think tonight. It would be a good idea to not let her imagination run away with her, especially right now as Lee had just ventured forward into calling her partner. She wouldn't want to mess that up with silly fantasies like she had a year ago.

She would focus on practical things instead. One thing she had learned during this whole car fiasco was that she was still pretty naive. She really needed to become a bit savvier about how the bad guys' minds work. She couldn't imagine thinking like that. But if she could learn to anticipate how they thought, she wouldn't be taken in by thinking that a little accident was just that, a little accident. Or she would have thought about the bad guys smuggling drugs, or she wouldn't have gotten kidnapped again. She was finally being considered a candidate for agent training and she was working with Lee Stetson, she needed to always keep that at the forefront of her mind.


End file.
